Sister Stories | Steph’s Story
Introduction
By nature, I am a storyteller.
I love using words to express and connect with others.
But I am just one voice and one story…
This got me thinking- How fruitful would it be to bring together a collection of stories from sisters, who's strength, surrender, and striving after God's heart is inspiring and worth sharing…
In this season where hope feels lost, I want to take some time to ground our souls by reflecting on the goodness and grace of God displayed throughout this journey called life. I have titled this series, Growth & Glory because I want to highlight stories that inspire us see how each and every season of our lives is purposed for our growth and God's glory! I Peter 1:3-9 talks about the living hope we as children of God. With the assurance of Christ's unfading promise anchored in eternal life, we are invited to live a life of praise!
“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ…(v.6-7)"
Our world is weary and desperate for a hope that is unshakable! Peter invites us, as exiles of this world and in light of God’s grace, to proclaim the eternal hope we have found through Christ. It is in this we rejoice, even in seasons of suffering, knowing that through our testing, our lives are deepened; our strength is developed, and our hope is grown, as we hold fast to the anchor of our souls! With this perspective, we can trust that whatever life may bring, it will be used for our growth and God’s glory!
Steph’s Story
Did God Really Say?
A few days ago the question, “Did God really say…?” began resounding in my mind again. Did God really say I was a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation? Was I really God’s special possession? Am I really here to declare the praises of Him who called me out of darkness and into His marvelous light? If all of this is true, then why do I feel the way I do?
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2012, approximately two and a half years before I came to know Christ. The diagnosis came in the emergency room after my suicide attempt. A sense of relief came over me on the hospital bed when the on-call psychiatrist gave my suffering a name. Since then, I’ve tried combinations of medications, been seen by at least a dozen professionals, and suffered from countless hypomanic and depressive episodes. To say it’s been a wild ride is putting it lightly.
Bipolar disorder, like any mental illness, results from a chemical imbalance in the brain. It has a strong genetic component and, yet, I am the first in my family to have the disorder. I know that it isn’t the result of sin or a sign of my lacking faith. Even so, in the depths of depression, I do not feel like a daughter of the Most High. In fact, I feel like an imposter, a convincing fraud. I feel like I’ve somehow managed to convince thousands of people (and myself) that the Holy Spirit dwells within me.
Right now, I have no desire to do anything.
Right now, I struggle to see God’s hand in my life.
Right now, I doubt His goodness and His ability to redeem me.
Right now, in the pit, I am exhausted, ashamed, and gruesomely tempted to create blessings for myself.
Right now, I want the highlight reel, not the real.
Right now, I desperately want to conform to the world’s standard of normal.
Oh, what a dangerous place to be! Mental illness is a permanent part of my life. I’ve prayed to God for its removal. I’ve asked sincerely for remission, but relief seems so far off. Often in my pain, I can forget God and His limitless power in my life, His provision, and His covering.
For God to be glorified in this season, I must remember these things:
Right now, despite my yearnings, what I need is Jesus.
Right now, He will sustain me (Psalm 55:22).
Right now, He will sympathize with me (Hebrews 4:15).
Right now, His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Cor 12:9).
Right now, He will provide a way out of temptation (1 Cor 10:13).
Right now, I will see His goodness in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13).
Right now, I know He is faithful because of how He’s shown up in my life, regardless of what I feel.
He is a good God and He is working all things for my good and His glory.
Did he really say I am a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation? Am I really God’s special possession? Am I really here to declare the praises of Him who called me out of darkness and into His marvelous light?
The answer, even as my emotions vacillate between mania and depression is Y-E-S.
Forever and always. Amen.
|Meet Steph|
Steph is a 29-year-old Jesus freak with a heart for the gospel of Christ and studying its impact on our minds. A native Miamian through-and-through, Steph still resides in her hometown, proudly pronounces the “L” in salmon, and owns more hoop earrings than she can count. She spends her free time pursuing her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology at American Public University, drinking coffee, and conversing with friends in gifs. You can find her on the ‘gram here and sign up to hear about her future projects here.