Week 1: The Wandering
Have you ever felt lost? Weary of chasing after whatever it is you believe will bring you direction, purpose, and satisfaction?
In looking back on patterns of such seasons, I am becoming aware of my altogether foolish framework for finding direction.
I don’t know about you, but I live for structure.
I am a schedule maker, time blocker and all together type A personality.
Yet when it comes to my spiritual walk with Christ, my attempts to create consistent clarity and purpose often fail miserably. In such times, I have distorted scripture’s sentiments seeking to provide a sense of security in all the uncertainty.
“You see, in believing I can see the whole picture,
I have a tendency to sugar-coating scripture,
Abusing theology to support my self-centered autobiography.”
It is in my wandering, I tend to seek God’s promises over His presence. His safety over His sovereignty. His gifts over His goodness.
Yet, as you may guess, any effort to bring about security within our own humanity often leaves us asking if our souls will ever feel satisfied. It is here, we collide with the wanderer’s story. In Psalm 107:4-9, the psalmist recounts the story of those who's wanderings left them thirsty for security and in need of nourishment for their souls.
He writes,
“Some wandered in desert wastes,
finding no way to a city to dwell in;
hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted within them.
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He led them by a straight way till they reached a city to dwell in.
Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!
For he satisfies the longing soul and the hungry soul he fills with good things.”
There is so much truth found within these verses! Let’s start by understanding who the “wanderer” is and what they are looking to find.
Wanderer’s Wants and Needs
In verse 4, the psalmist begins by introducing us to those who wandered, likely referring to the Israelite exiles.
“Some wandered in desert wastes,
finding no way to a city to dwell in;”
The term exile refers to those who have been removed from their home, forced to live as strangers in a foreign land. Can you imagine being overthrown and forced to leave everything you had ever known? The Israelite exiles were the epitome of wanderers.
Side note: Recently, my church started a sermon series exploring what theologians have named, the exilic perspective, which asserts that as New Testament believers, we too are living in a land that is not our own as we await our heavenly home. One author of this perspective notes this parallel saying,
“There is continuity with the Old Testament exiles, as the church waits to return home, which will only come in its fullness with the return of Christ...The New Testament church saw themselves as citizens of a different kingdom, sojourners, exiles, aliens, and strangers awaiting the New Jerusalem to come;...” (David H. Kim, 2013, Redeemer Presbyterian Church).
More often than not I find myself feeling much like the exiles, disconnected and disillusioned as I wander in this world; wanting wholeness yet wasting my time on what looks best.
Desiring direction yet losing my way due to twisting the truth.
“Much like a child, I show my defiance in my acts of self-reliance.
Questioning the God I say I trust,
I chase after “I love yous”, likes, and lusts.”
It is the displacement of the soul that often gives way to spiritual dehydration. Maybe you know this feeling all too well; chasing after societal satisfaction only to find that they are but mental mirages of what we desired most.
It is verse 5 we see the impact of following the world's distorted direction.
“hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted within them.”
The physical wandering of the Israelites left them hungry, dehydrated, and in need of hope. Is it not the same for our spiritual wandering?
As I read these verse and apply them to my own life in the space between, I am faced with some convicting questions:
What is it that I am seeking to satisfy my soul?
Is what I daily wander towards leaving me feeling full or forgotten?
“In believing my security lies in fulfilling another’s fantasy.
I become the very definition of a romantic comedy
or rather, a poetic tragedy.
My biblical femininity becomes curbed by cultural compromise,
as I foolishly buy into the lies that I am simply just a prize.”
These wasteful wandering never lead us home yet in our striving for such earthly securities, we become perpetually parched and daily discouraged by disappointment. As I read this portion of Psalm 107, the wants and needs of the wanderer reminded me of David’s words in Psalm 34.
He writes,
"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!
The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing” verses 8-10.
Here is a powerful contrast to consider.
There are those who, like young lions, suffer want, and hunger and others who, by seeking the Lord, lack no good thing.
Striving and starving to obtain some form of security to satisfy our searching soul, or surrendered to seeking after the one thing that fills us full?
What I have come to find in my wandering is that, much like the lion, I am never filled full by what the world offers.
But maybe that's the point!
Maybe our dissatisfaction is meant to redirect us. Maybe it is disparity and displacement that brings awareness to the beauty found in divine dependency.
What if we viewed our dashed dreams and unmet expectations of this life as reminders that these very things were never meant to satisfy our souls. One commentator puts it so perfectly saying,
“There is always something lacking, for our desires grow far faster than their satisfactions,…You cannot fill a soul with the whole universe if you do not put God in it.”
God’s Goodness and Guidance
The Israelites came to this same conclusion and cried out to God in verse 6 of Psalm 107 It says,
“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,...
and he delivered them from their distress.
He led them by a straight way
till they reached a city to dwell in..”
In the very place of struggle and strain, we see how God in His goodness is so gracious to sustain and satisfy the wandering soul as it seeks Him.
For as David notes, it is those who seek the Lord that lack no good thing.
I remember struggling with this idea for a season several years ago. If I am being completely honest, I did not like the Biblical conclusion that security and satisfaction cannot and will never be found in the things of this earth.
I had to come to a place where I know longer wandered my worldly wants. I had to come to a place where I surrendered society striving and sought solely after My Savior's love. And in daily seeking the one thing I am promised I can always find, I am delivered from the distress of earthly disappointments and led in a new direction.
The question is this: Are we willing to exchange our striving for seeking? Our struggle for surrender? Our starvation for satisfaction?
As A. W Tozar wrote long ago, “God waits to be wanted.”
For in our wandering and weariness, we are invited to cry out to God, who is the ultimate source of satisfaction for our souls. In this seeking, we leave all other pursuits behind and place all other precious possessions in their proper place as secondary to the source of our security. With this new direction, we can join the Israelites song of praise in verses 8-9,
“Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!
For he satisfies the longing soul and
the hungry soul he fills with good things.”
Friend, how often do we sing this song in our lives? How often do we call to mind the steadfast love of God that invites us to take hold of a heavenly hope and an eternal security for our souls?
For we were never meant to make a home here, as the Apostle Paul says, “our citizenship is in Heaven “(Phil 3:20). Although we are called to this world for now; we are enabled to patiently wait, continually cry out, daily seek, and immediately find the source of our security in the presence of God Himself.
He alone satisfies the longing soul and fills us full.