THE SPACE BETWEEN
What does this even mean?
Between what is my reality and what is supposed to be;
between my heart’s convictions and current emotional restrictions.
I have found myself stuck in a perpetual blank spot;
Between the what if‘s and why not’s;
The valleys and the mountain tops￼.
It is in this place God calls me to simply stop.
Overwhelming by tides of what I simply cannot control,
I am faced with the choice of who will guide my soul.
You see, this place of dependency is where I become aware of my human tendency.
In believing I can see the whole picture,
I tend to sugar-coating scripture,
Using my theology to support a self-centered ideology.
Much like a child, I show my defiance in my lack of reliance.
Questioning the God I say I trust,
I chase after “I love you’s”, likes, and lust.
￼Somehow believing that my security lies in trying to meet another fantasy, I become the very definition of a romantic comedy or rather a poetic tragedy.
The space between what I want and where I am is breaking me.
It is here, I lack the ability to respond rationally.
Emotions muddle my consistency of trusting that God‘s plan is much greater than I can see. My head and my heart cannot keep in step, believing the truth but somehow failing to carry it out.
In this space between the what’s next and all that is now.
I wrestle with the tension of when God will fulfill His vow.
But what if God’s timing is not measured by me getting the answer but rather in learning how to truly trust my Master.
This space between is not changing me, it is completely remaking me into the woman God created me to be.
For all my perceptions and worldly obsessions will be forever resurrected by the Lord’s steadfast affection.
For this space between is what is saving me.